What is my SER theory?
What is my SER theory?
After over 10,000 contact hours with clients in therapy and coaching practice, consistent personal development, and countless hours of studying and research, I came to a theory about what makes people easy to be with and what makes people difficult to be with.
I put it in a framework called SER, which is 3 pillars that make up the most attractive person to be and the most attractive person to be in a relationship with.
SER stands for Self-Esteem, Energy, and Responsibility. I posit that the people with high levels of all 3 are the most attractive people, and therefore the most attractive people to be in relationships with, and people with low levels of all 3 are the least attractive.
My SER theory is a framework that makes the pathway to those goals easy to see, and gives you ways to initiate reflection and action for yourself. I’m taking what has worked in me and my clients’ lives and giving more people access to it.
These are some of my assumptions:
Everyone can consciously choose to affect their SER in a positive way at anytime.
Anyone who positively affects their SER will have better experiences as an individual, in dating, and in relationships.
By not intentionally and positively affecting your SER, you are negative impacted. (This is inherent in the SER theory because Responsibility is one of the pillars, so anywhere you are irresponsible / not taking ownership of something, you are negatively impacted.)
No one is maxed out in any area at any point in time. It’s all on a spectrum and we’re all “in progress.”
Some people are not progressing forward in terms of their development. Some people are actually regressing, where they can no longer keep up with the demands of life in an adequate way. In this context, the regression shows up in misalignment - where a person is engaged in activities and relationships that are inconsistent with their values and higher self. The person then experiences increases in negative mood, low energy, and overall undesirable outcomes.
Keep reading the blogs and watching the videos to get deeper into it.
Who I’m working with -
I’m honing in on a particular type of client who has shown up through my 5 years in private practice as my most aligned clients. These are people who make massive positive shifts in their personal and relational lives. They want two things: to be the best person they can be and to have the best relationship they can have, and they’re willing to do the work to make it happen.
Last season (season 12 on my podcast Boundaries & Grace), I called out a lot of things to make distinctions between people who want to change for the better and people who don’t (so you can stop wasting your time). Now, we’re going to keep focusing on the people who do.
