Phase 2 Activated

Notes from 7/31/2025 episode (Watch on YouTube - Listen on Apple - Listen on Spotify)

I’m back!

I went on a lengthy break (like 3-4 months) from social media. I was giving my personal life a lot of attention but also reflecting a lot. I needed to get my footing and get grounded in what I was doing, why I was here, and how I was going to go about all this.

My name is Taylor Chandler and I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist and I’m a coach. I graduated from Virginia Tech with a Bachelor’s in Hospitality & Tourism Management then went to graduate school for Marriage and Family Therapy. I got caught with a fake ID so the project manager position I had lined up at Capital One, that I had been eyeing my whole college career, was taken away. I ended up getting the charge expunged, like it never happened, and I also ended up becoming a therapist because I had to find something else to do after undergrad and the business world was off limits for a little bit because of the nature of the charge and the fact it was in-process.

So now -

My name is Taylor Chandler, I’m a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a coach. I help people become attractive matches, confront reality, and fix what isnt ‘working (That’s new! We’ll talk about that later) I used to help people with their attachment styles specifically. So I used to say I help people shift their attachment style. Then, I branched out into the broader relationship conversation.

 Some of you have heard those differences in my podcast intro (apple and spotify). So I branched out to the broader conversation because I have tons of ideas about people and relationships, I help people be better individuals and have better relationships, and I have a lot of good perspective about the larger conversation. Plus I got bored of just attachment. That’s where I left you.

Last time I was here, last season, I framed it as Phase 1, where we were making distinctions between who can be brought forward and who needs to be left behind. I really think that people who cannot be productive, constructive, helpful, team-oriented people need to be left behind. I was making distinctions before we moved into phase 2, which is where we are now. I’ll talk about Phase 2 in a bit, but first let’s hover over this phase 1 to phase 2 transition point.

I stand for this: There is absolutely zero point in trying to help people who do not want to change. There is no point in only outlining how dysfunctional or just flat out negative men and women should change so they are better people and better partners. The ones who need to change the most, won’t listen or care. We need to leave them behind and focus on much more valuable things.

I’m going to help the people who specifically want to be the best versions of themselves and have the best relationship possible.

I’m not going to talk to you (much) about the people who don’t want this. But I will sometimes because they still need to be called out and sometimes it’s a fun little vent. But the huge majority of our time in Phase 2 and so on will be on people who actually want the best results for themselves, their relationship, and their family.  These are people who value optimization, growth, learning and being the best they can be and who want to have the best relationship possible. I think you can be the best individual you can be without a relationship, but I don’t think you can have the best relationship without being the best individual. I specifically want to be here for people who want both, and who know that in order to have the relationship working at a fast clip, all cylinders, you have to get yourself tight first.

I’m going to be showing you thought models - literally ways to think about yourself and about your relationships to be able to get better outcomes. Because you must change your thinking. We’ll be talking about that a ton, always have and always will.

We’re leaving behind the ratchets and we’re taking the winners. The winners are people who know they need to work on things but have a winning attitude (another thing you’re going to hear a lot about going forward). People who want to apply discipline, be serious about themselves, and at the same time enjoy the journey higher and higher. People who are attractive matches, or want to be. How am I defining “attractive?” An Attractive match is a person with high levels of Self-Esteem, Energy, and Responsibility who cultivates positive experiences for themselves and others.

This is the minority of people, which I mentioned often last season. The minority of people will do the work but every single person needs work, in order to get to a higher version of themselves. (Pareto’s Principle - 80% of the work gets done by 20% of the people) Everyone’s got things getting in the way, but the difference between us is: are you going to do something about it or not?

Those of you who do something about it are those with the winning attitude. These are the people who advance society. They are pro-social (did you listen to that episode?) These are the better ones among humans because they produce the most positive results. This has nothing to do with race or gender, this has everything to do with life-oriented results. What do I mean by life-oriented results? Things that sustain life, create life, create freedom, create peace. Not just living but living well. Life-oriented results are aligned with God.
Those of you who don’t do anything about your dysfunctions or who fake like you are but really just have everybody spinning their damn wheels, those are the people who need to be left behind. These are the ratchets. These are the negatives. These are the roadblocks. The people who block progress, advancement, happiness, you name it.

The people who don’t do anything about it are the unserious people (the ratchets, the bottom feeders, etc). I’ve outlined plenty of their negative traits and I’ve grouped them in relevant ways so you can better identify them yourself (in season 11). Now in Phase 2 we’ll talk more about our own stuff that needs to change or be maintained or refined or leveled up. There are many things I’ve had to change over the years and am still working on. Building your character and your personality and your successful, positive part of you is a continuous process not an outcome. 

Those of us who do something about it continuously are the best matches. And that’s the context I’m concerned about because that’s my field. We are people others in relationship with us can count on to take accountability for our part, work to make conditions better for everyone, and we are the easiest to be in relationship with. We’re responsible. We develop our emotional intelligence, social intelligence, finances, physical health. We have high energy and high self-esteem. Not only are we the best people to be in relationship with, we just keep getting better and keep getting even more positive things to happen to us.

The rich keep getting richer. And the poor keep getting left farther and farther behind.

Some of you are already there and this part of the work will be a place for you to commune with other like-minded people, connect with me, and refine yourself. But many of you are not there and I appreciate anyone who can just be real and say I’m not all the way there yet, because that’s everybody with something. I can only deal with people in reality. I don’t want to be around a bunch of positive people. I want to be around a bunch of honest people. Because honest people, people who can be honest with themselves, are the types who might just do something about their problems, and then they become happier and better to be around. So their happiness is a byproduct. Honesty is the vehicle that gets them there.

The truth us: Most people want to be an attractive match but most people just are not. Why is that? Cultural issues, social issues, mental health issues - all kinds of stuff, we started talking about last  season and will continue commentary about why people are in the pits this season.

So if you’re not an attractive match, well what are you? Are you an unattractive person? Well maybe. Some of you are just outright unattractive. Like no one in their right mind who actually likes themselves and where they’re at in life would choose you. So you have to have dates with bums, under-performers, sub-standard - because you actually have too many of those qualities yourself. You can be helped but we have to be real about where you’re at. And not everyone is outright unattractive, some are becoming attractive. That’s all, nothing gimmicky about that - you're just in the process of hitting a threshold that I will define shortly and am also putting on my website for your reference.

So the rich keep getting richer, the poor keep getting left behind, and the not rich yet (the not attractive yet) are working their way to wealth.

We’re not talking about money but we are talking about wealth. Wealthy in the way you think, wealthy in the opportunities you attract, wealthy in the way people think of you and the way they treat you. All of these things do lead to more money because you’re someone of high self-esteem who likes yourself enough to take yourself seriously and actually do something positive and productive with your life. So, you happen to make more money.

I don’t want more disparity between the mentally and energetically rich and the mentally and energetically poor. On the contrary, I want us all to be mentally and energetically rich. Why? Because there’s no real competition for it. It’s just available to you, so why not just have it? Why not all of us have the highest self-esteem, the highest energy, and the highest levels of responsibility (which comes with many perks that we will talk about in an ongoing way for the foreseeable future)? 

I’ve developed and embodied what I would consider a highly effective process to achieve this, the way I think and process information, the way I relate to the world, the way I understand energetic process - and what do I mean by energetic process? I mean way I cultivate my energy, grow it, distribute it, harness it, master it, use it. And I’m going to share with you everything I’ve learned so far and that I keep learning as I go. I’ve streamlined the main ideas into 3 pillars that I’ll be telling you about today and helping my clients 1-on-1 work through in an expedited way. 

Think of it like I’ve always been doing this and I have now developed enough to where I can teach a mass of people how to do it too. I’ve helped thousands of people already, now I have a system to help millions.

My goal is to help you and everybody I can get the highest level of self-esteem, responsibility, and energy so that you have the most aligned life (where you’re really at peace internally are living in a way congruent with your values, priorities, goals)  and you become the most attractive type of match for a partner, a spouse. Because I specifically want to help people who want relationships. If you don’t, you can still benefit from developing these 3 areas but I’m just not talking to your specific single-forever group. We just have different goals so we have to steward ourselves differently, so at some points these groups need to focus on different types of advice.

In this phase and for the foreseeable future, I’m going to take you behind the veil of how to think. Not just what to do, but how to do it. And In order to do the right thing consistently for yourself and relational development, you have to understand how to think about it. You’re going to be learning a lot and if you learn what I teach you, your life is going to get noticeably better much faster than if you just keep spinning your wheels.

I’ve taught attachment and how to become securely attached, how to deal with triggers (de-trigger), healing childhood, healing insecurities, how to set boundaries, emotional intelligence and many things related to these big categories. I’ve helped a ton of people 1-on-1 and in groups with related forms of self and relational development (routine, fitness, communication, decision making, goal setting). I’ve given steps, acronyms, I’ve outlined how to handle relationship problems. Now I’m going to help you to understand how to think in order to become a better person, not just do a better thing. 

By the way, all that stuff is on my podcast on Apple and Spotify. Rate and leave a review please!

So I’ve done all of those things in the past. How am I now contributing to you having better outcomes? All of that is still a part of my work, my knowledge base, my skillset, and my overarching goal and mission here. But in this particular phase I’m helping people become attractive matches in a more holistic way rather than in compartments, and helping couples become highly synergized (removing blocks, increasing energy, increasing happiness and teamwork).

Sidenote:* I’m focused less on talking to the couples right now because so much of the time you’re in a relationship you shouldn’t have even been in, so you’re trying to become highly synergized with an incompatible match. So this phase has layers to it - we need to talk about the individual first - who is the attractive match? So that we can better understand who a highly synergized couple is - because my definition of a highly synergized couple are two attractive matches put together. So we need to understand the attractive person first.

A little more about this person - An attractive match is everybody’s type. You have a mindset, behavior patterns, and emotional patterns that make you easy to solve problems with, easy and fun to achieve with, easy to trust and respect. Most people would say that’s ideal. The question is not “what kind of person do you want to marry?” I’ve found everyone says the same thing! The question is how do you become that kind of person? What are the markers of those individuals and how do you develop those qualities and skillsets? For the foreseeable future, I’m going to help you become this person and how to be the most attractive type of partner out there.

It used to just be about secure attachment. Can you see how we’re now working on the whole person?

Attractive types I’m talking about don’t look a certain way, they are a certain way. Last season you heard me making these distinctions between people who are or aren't suitable for progress right now, and honestly I was very nice. But now we’re going to get even more specific. There are 3 pillars a person needs to work on to become an attractive match: Self-Esteem, Energy, and Responsibility. This is all going on my website so you can reference it there and you’ll hear about this for the foreseeable future.

My ideal audience ultimately does want a relationship and my even more aligned people share the belief with me that there is self-actualization but there is also another way to actualize, which involves another person, who they know would be their spouse. My clients want a healthy, secure, growing, all-star winning relationship. What does that look like? Well, Sometimes it’s easy to see what you want when youcontrast it with what you don't want.

There is an especially unattractive pair and they need urgent attention. There’s one particularly bad couple plaguing America, especially among Black people. This is the Disempowered Man and the Entitled Woman. I think by understanding… this couple more, you’ll understand self-esteem, responsibility, and energy more, and their role in your individual and relational life, and I think a lot of people are going to be helped in how to navigate this issue in their real life.

We’ll be talking about this couple in an ongoing way as a type of case study. This is not the only unattractive dynamic, but this is a big one. When it feels like we’ve squeezed the major lessons out of it (and there are some really good ones) then we’ll drop it.

Who is The Disempowered Man and who is the Entitled Woman and what happens when they get together and why is it such a common dynamic when it’s so destructive? Some of you were around for the Ahab and Jezebel episodes - this has parallel lessons. 

The Disempowered Man is the man who is essentially way too afraid of his woman. Afraid of her leaving him, afraid of standing up to her or assert himself in any respectable way, let’s things go under the guise of being a good guy or an understanding guy when really he’s compromised his values and self-respect.

The Entitled Woman is the woman who doesn’t give much but wants it all. Seems like she always wants the best of both worlds while you continuously give more of yourself and remains under-appreciative and walking around with a bad attitude, seemingly with no perception of how much you’re doing for her and for the relationship. She is insatiable and constantly bothered.

You don’t have to be a full blown DM or EW to benefit from this information, but I guarantee you will hear some of yourself in this season and be able to identify some areas you could still work on, just like me! Especially if you’re in the United States - this is a rampant issue. This issue is not gender-specific. There are disempowered women and entitled men for sure. But I’m going to highlight it in this gendered way to really paint the picture and get into some of the gender nuances. I’m going to try to save time and headaches this season by not trying to be so equal all the time. I was overly concerned with being misunderstood in the past. At this point, if you don’t get my heart for this or don’t believe I have a point or don’t believe I’m here for the right reasons, then OK. I’ll try my best to be clear but if you misunderstand, you misunderstand. I may have some kind of disclaimer at the beginning of episodes for my own peace of mind about this.

That’s my update y’all! I have a new interest form in my bio - if you filled it out in the last month, please fill it out again because all names and emails have been erased. I made some edit on my interest form that I cannot undo, so I need you to complete a new form if you have not heard from me yet.

I’m only seeing maximum 3 clients per day for 4 days per week. My price has gone up and that is made plain on my website. I’m focusing on giving my 1-on-1 clients high level energy and attention, and making more content during this current season of work. See more about my plans on my website.

Thanks for being here!

Watch on YouTube
Listen on Apple
Listen on Spotify