Time-Cost Model & Preventative Maintenance

Sep 15

Every relationship requires maintenance. When something feels off — whether it’s a broken promise, a recurring argument, or a subtle disconnect — you’re faced with a choice: address it or avoid it.

We could debate the risks of confrontation all day, but regardless, the reality is clear: the longer you delay, the more expensive the problem becomes.

Think of your relationship like a car. When a warning light flashes on your dashboard, it’s not there to frustrate you or scare you — it’s there to save you. If you address it early, the cost is generally smaller than if you keep driving despite the signals. The issue compounds. What started as a simple fix grows into a blown engine, a stalled car, and a bill ten times bigger than the original. Relationships work the same way.

This is what I call the Time-Cost Model. On the x-axis is time — how long you wait before dealing with the problem. On the y-axis is cost — the emotional, relational, and sometimes even financial price you’ll pay. The longer you wait, the higher the cost climbs — not in a straight line, but exponentially. Small cracks widen quickly when left unattended.

You’ll see along the upward curve:

Early Stage: Addressing issues here is uncomfortable but manageable. . This stage often requires vulnerability, a hard conversation, and relatively smaller adjustments. The costs are low.
Middle Stage: At this point, unspoken resentments start to build. Trust begins to weaken. Misunderstandings multiply. The emotional cost is higher, and the repair requires more effort.
Late Stage: Problems left to fester become deeply ingrained. Intimacy dwindles. Resentment hardens. Trust feels broken. At this point, the cost is so high that it can threaten the entire relationship. This is where we see the real possibility that the relationship has become unrecoverable because of the mountain that has formed between the two people.

This reminds me of when I worked at Orangetheory Fitness as a fitness coach. Orangetheory uses heart-rate zone training to help members gauge the effort they are putting in. When their heart rate is at 71-83% of their Max HR, their name lights up green on the TV screen in the studio.This signals they are in the “challenging but do-able” zone. Right when HR hits 84%, the name lights up orange. This is the “uncomfortable” zone. Breath gets more challenging and we spend less time there. Finally, there’s the 92-100% range where the name goes red. We never coached members to try to get to the red zone, and if they did we were trained to check-in with members and suggest they reduce their intensity. We’re not meant to be in these super-stressed periods over longer periods of time without recovery. I think of relationships in the same way. Discomfort and challenge is necessary to grow and become stronger, but too much tension actually breaks the relationship apart.
(I don’t work at OTF anymore but for more info on OTF’s HR training, click here)

When you avoid addressing issues, you’re not dodging a cost — you’re only delaying it. And delay always makes the bill bigger. Ignoring that “check engine” light in your relationship leads to higher resentment, fractured trust, and lost intimacy — costs far greater than the small discomfort of addressing things early. Slow down, look at the problem, and recover.

The takeaway: Preventative maintenance is always cheaper than repair. Catch the signal when it’s small. Deal with it early. The time you invest today saves you from the compounded costs of tomorrow.

Interested in working together? Individuals click here and Couples click here